It’s dark & I’m curled up on my bed — just listening to music with my eyes shut tight, tight from the weight of the rest of my face. But I guess it was too tight & heavy, ‘cus I felt saline streams striding down my skin till they kissed the sheets.
듣는 음악을 제데로 이해 못하면서도 옛날 느낌 같은게 날 쫓아낸다, ㅅㅂ…
& i’m not even in pain. pick up a pinnacle and pierce me from the inside out. 답답해. ****.
i haven’t seen you since August — haven’t even messaged you since October. & yet i’m crazed more than EVERR. hahahahaha siigh, 아주 자극스럽게..
how’s this even possible.
Lmao, i actually enjoy it though. indulging. he’s intoxicated me & doesn’t even know it.
bs. i’m done tryna study for it, not that i really tried studying for it these past few months. not that i really tried.
what’s up with these mood swings.. & i’m not even pms-ing
sounds elite, huh. but heckk, it’s an “alternative education” high school. my counselor told me i might have to transfer there if i can’t retrieve my 9th & 10th grade transcripts. ‘caught me so offguard. Lmao, but i handled it so cool-ly. 완전 멋지게. but then i realized it was all an act. & yet i kept telling myself that i was in God’s hands — that whatever happens to me has its own reason, a purpose. i tried to convince myself like that. ‘tried to reassure myself. & yet all the while i was only pushing my true feelings to the back of my mind — a vault, not yet locked & yet so far back. i felt hopeless. lost. & yet those were nothing more than thoughts stimulated by feeling. ‘cus reality was that there’s no need for me to go to CIS. i’d simply take a few courses over the summer. or even graduate without a high school diploma & take the GED. ‘cus there’s no way ima spend my time in classes i barely have to do anything to succeed. heck no.
was a quiet day. went to Logos 교회 with Joun this morning. went there as a visitor, otherwise i would’ve actually said hi to the people i know by name. but i only said hi to like, two people. i started regretting that since my walk back home. ‘should be living bold for Christ wherever i am.
i went to Old Town afterwards to buy paint and canvases. thought of him the whole time i was there. how’s that even possible… Lmao, kept hoping i’d bump into him or something. AIGOO, Robyn. smh. hahaha oh well. spent almost $89.25 at Blick Art Materials. i see it as an unregrettable investment. i’m in the midst of pursuing art right now. art as a BIG hobby.
then at night, Joun came over. she actually got me working on my SAT essay writing. did two different prompts. i thought i’d do well but lmao, i did no better than when i took it in October. heckk. there goes my confidence. only thirteen more days left. 정신 차려, Robyn.
OKAY, so apparently, my day wasn’t that quiet. it’s just that i feel apathetic right now. tired. 하품~스럽다.
'been seven months & i'm still obsessed.
it’s enough just thinking about you. ‘built a dream around the thought of him.
this is my church. my fam.
it’s the closest i’ve ever been to one.
that’s not my thing. Lmao, can’t even last a day without dinner. i guess i’m just stuck with hard-core (not really) workouts & healthy eating (if manageable). eh-yoo…
God — ‘been thinking about him frequently today. here and there, now and again…
what do you want me to do of this life…
'cus right now, i'm just striding